So, I haven't taken you on a journey through my mind recently, so let's see what happens...
Let me bring you up to speed on my life, thus far. I have finally decided that I am going to Le Moyne College next year. I have also gone through a rough break-up, no worries I won't be all bitchy about it. But it got me thinking... high school is really trivial.
Think about it. In high school you feel like everything happening to you will be so important for the rest of your life. In the moment, everything is important. And you think that you are planning for your future. but really, how much of this is actually important?
Who cares if you got the best grades? Who cares if you won the most football games? Who cares if you were a geek? Who cares if you were a slut? Honestly, high school is such a short part of our lives, only four years, and yet we feel like it is the time that shapes us the most. I will admit that in my four years of high school I have changed quite a bit. But I wouldn't say that these were the most important days of my life.
Of course, thus far they are pretty important. In high school you do have to make some major choices. But these choices aren't like, life or death, they are- for the most part- just things to make life easier down the road. For example, if I decided to go to Le Moyne for Creative Writing (which I did) but in a year I decide to go to Cal Tech for Astrophysics, I can. It will be harder, but I can still do it.
Similarly, friendships forged in high school are hardly life-long, nor permanent. I had friends that graduated before me, and they probably wouldn't count me as a friend any more. For no other reason than, we just don't hang out. If they see me on the street, they acknowledge me, and I them. But it's not like we have to have really in-depth conversations or even a normal conversation. Life moves on.
I also know that when I leave here, in about two months; when I say good-bye to some people, that is going to be our final good-bye. Sure, I have friends that I hope I can stay in touch with, but honestly, we won't have much to talk about if we're not involved in the same activities. I wish I could say that I'll stay in touch with everyone, but that is just a lie. I wish I could say that my (now ex) boyfriend was "the one" and that I'll never be whole again. But that's simply not true.
High school relationships, friendships, enemy-ships, etc.... they all end. I can honestly say that in five months I won't care who I was in a relationship with; I won't care who sat next to me in fourth period theology; I won't care which parties I wasn't invited to; I won't care about most of my (current) friends' issues because; let's be honest, I will be far away, living my own life. Quite Simply, high school is just another four years. College is just another four years. Ultimately, I don't think I'll even remember most of these people in a year.
I suppose that should make me sad, but it doesn't. OK, that's a lie. I am torn up right now. My heart is dieing. I do get sad when I think that these people that I have shared so much with will be gone. But then I realize that, just because I have had friends move on, doesn't mean that I've been sad for the last four years. I managed to make new friends every year. And I know my little buddies will too.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my friends. I hope I can stay in contact with them, but I'm not going to kill myself to stay in contact with them.
This post, I suppose, is me really letting go. Letting go of all the negative feelings I have towards certain people: the girl who used to be my best friend, the ex friends that won't let things go, the one who ripped my heart out, the jerks who made fun of me, the kids who pissed me off, the authorities that were corrupt.... In the end, all of it is so trivial.
I feel like I have had a sudden epiphany today. Because, while all those things did hurt me; made me scream and cry and hurt; none of them are so detrimental to my life that I can't move on. My Mom always says that everything happens for a reason, I suppose it does. I'm not saying that these things didn't shape me, because they did. But I am saying that I don't need to dwell on them.
And if you're in high school, middle school, college, working, whatever; and you're reading this, then just remember: so much of what you think is detrimental is really trivial. Now, some people do have legitimate things to worry about in high school and college (having a child, cancer, getting married, taking care of siblings, parents dieing, etc.) but I am not one of those people. My life is pretty ordinary. The most pressing thing now is passing all my classes and finding a date to prom.
So, my advise is to keep living life and "doing you" but don't let little things (like break-ups, or fizzled friendships, or failing classes, or loosing a game) control your life. That's all for now, I will try to post more often now that the school year is winding down, but I make no promises.
Ciao!
